Trying

I think that one of the hardest things to do in life is to keep trying after failing and failing. How do you convince yourself that this time is going to be different. This time I'm going to make it work.

This is what I'm struggling with this week.
I know that everyone makes New Year's resolutions. And everyone breaks them.
But, after a series of failures and a bout of depression and severe financial difficulty, I am determined to re-start my life.
The tricky part is to quiet the voices in my head saying "you've tried before and failed". So, I don't do anything. The fear of failure is sometimes overwhelming.
My hope is that through thorough planning, I'll develop a strategy that will be "fail-safe". At the very least, a complete plan will make me know what step to take next, even if it's a small step, and even if I don't feel like doing it.

My goal of losing weight is one of the things I'm struggling with. I lost a lot of weight in the summer. Then, some things happened, so I gave it all up. I fell and injured my foot, then about 3 days later I got sick. Neither event was that big a deal, but I had to take time off. Then, I was disappointed in a relationship. And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I never got back to working out consistently, and my diet fell apart. And I gained the weight back.

So, now, how can I start again? I don't want to start and stop. So, I wait until I'm sure I'm ready. And, I realized that I was losing the weight before to please someone else. That never works, especially when the someone stops being part of your life.
 And because of my desire to be a trainer again, my weight loss and getting in shape is tied to that. This causes another couple of layers of fear. As much as I want my old life back (only better), there is fear of putting myself out there again. And fear of failure. And as long as I am heavy, I know I can't be a trainer, so I don't have to try.


(I also know that staring a new routine, exercise or otherwise is a stressor. And adding a stressor, when one is already stressed, is a recipe for failure. So, as long as Speck is sick, I am not going to take too much on. I will keep going, but I do not have the energy to go all-out about anything).

I do know one thing though, status quo isn't going to work anymore. I have to change something. And weight and fitness is one thing that's very controllable. (I may not be able to dictate exactly the amount of weight I lose, and how fast, I can control my exercise and my diet).


So, here I am. Trying.

Tomorrow I will start a 30 day AB challenge. That means I will exercise my abdominal muscles every day for 30 days. (There are a lot of 30 day challenges on Pinterest, and that's where I got the idea. It makes it more fun, like a game.)
Tomorrow's workout:
crunches on the Dyna-disc - 2 sets of 15
plank position - 3 times, hold as long a possible.

See you tomorrow,
Debby


You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.                 Margaret Thatcher