Trying

I think that one of the hardest things to do in life is to keep trying after failing and failing. How do you convince yourself that this time is going to be different. This time I'm going to make it work.

This is what I'm struggling with this week.
I know that everyone makes New Year's resolutions. And everyone breaks them.
But, after a series of failures and a bout of depression and severe financial difficulty, I am determined to re-start my life.
The tricky part is to quiet the voices in my head saying "you've tried before and failed". So, I don't do anything. The fear of failure is sometimes overwhelming.
My hope is that through thorough planning, I'll develop a strategy that will be "fail-safe". At the very least, a complete plan will make me know what step to take next, even if it's a small step, and even if I don't feel like doing it.

My goal of losing weight is one of the things I'm struggling with. I lost a lot of weight in the summer. Then, some things happened, so I gave it all up. I fell and injured my foot, then about 3 days later I got sick. Neither event was that big a deal, but I had to take time off. Then, I was disappointed in a relationship. And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I never got back to working out consistently, and my diet fell apart. And I gained the weight back.

So, now, how can I start again? I don't want to start and stop. So, I wait until I'm sure I'm ready. And, I realized that I was losing the weight before to please someone else. That never works, especially when the someone stops being part of your life.
 And because of my desire to be a trainer again, my weight loss and getting in shape is tied to that. This causes another couple of layers of fear. As much as I want my old life back (only better), there is fear of putting myself out there again. And fear of failure. And as long as I am heavy, I know I can't be a trainer, so I don't have to try.


(I also know that staring a new routine, exercise or otherwise is a stressor. And adding a stressor, when one is already stressed, is a recipe for failure. So, as long as Speck is sick, I am not going to take too much on. I will keep going, but I do not have the energy to go all-out about anything).

I do know one thing though, status quo isn't going to work anymore. I have to change something. And weight and fitness is one thing that's very controllable. (I may not be able to dictate exactly the amount of weight I lose, and how fast, I can control my exercise and my diet).


So, here I am. Trying.

Tomorrow I will start a 30 day AB challenge. That means I will exercise my abdominal muscles every day for 30 days. (There are a lot of 30 day challenges on Pinterest, and that's where I got the idea. It makes it more fun, like a game.)
Tomorrow's workout:
crunches on the Dyna-disc - 2 sets of 15
plank position - 3 times, hold as long a possible.

See you tomorrow,
Debby


You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.                 Margaret Thatcher

Plans

I'm trying to organize (re-organize) my life.
So I've been writing to-do lists, and trying to set up schedules.
I was doing pretty well with the necessary things for Brown Iris Creations (my jewelry business), but when it comes to the rest of life...

First of all, I tried to set goals for the year. Simple enough. I have a few specific things I want to accomplish, the most important of which is to get re-certified by NASM as a personal trainer. But when I try to take these yearly goals and turn them into day-to-day goals, it's much more difficult.
I know that when it comes to goals you're supposed to plan, and work toward them daily.
But it seems to me that if I work every day toward every goal, I'll need 48-hour days. (I have a tendency to over-reach).
And then there's the planning process- I take forever trying to write out my goals and plans and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything yet.

So, I took yesterday off - from planning and from doing anything that I'd scheduled to do. I worked on cleaning and organizing my living space. I took care of my sick cat (she's 16 years old, and very thin and frail, and she has a cold).

Speck

So, I'll keep trying...

Debby

Saying is one thing and doing is another

A Whole New Year!

I'm Back!!!
Well, sort of. I'm going to try to start slowly, and I'm going to learn this blogging business!
But, for now, Happy New Year! May this year be better than the last!
Dream big! Plan and set goals to make the dreams come true.

Debby

"If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up" - Unknown

Another Day

I weighed myself just now...185.6. I hope that's monthly bloating, and I didn't do that much damage last week. Even so, It's kind of discouraging, because I worked out on Monday and ate well yesterday (except I didn't eat frequently enough).

But then I "listen' to what I just wrote, and think, what if a client said that to you? I'd say just give it a little time. Consistency is what brings the long-term results. Not semi-gung-ho efforts for two days.

I also spent the entire day at the computer yesterday, trying to get my facebook page for my boot camp set up. I think I kind of did it, but I can't find it. I'm not very good at computer-stuff. It boggles my mind. I have to take breaks and tell myself I'm not stupid, and if other people can figure out how to make these things work, so can I. (Then I look at the help discussion forum on facebook, and realize there are a lot of other people that don't find this easy.)

Anyway, I'm not too discouraged, just determined, now.
And today's another day...

"This is your life... treat yourself right... treat others right... live like you know you should."
(The Newsboys)

Debby

Get Back Up Again

If at first you don't succeed, etc.....
It's been a rough week. It really hit me over the weekend that I'm unemployed. Me! I think it had taken so long to hit because at first I was all gung-ho about starting a boot camp and really focusing on training again.
But then I got a lead for a full-time job that seemed too good to pass up. (Benefits!) And I was kind of putting all my eggs in that basket. Well, nothing happened. My client works for the company, and he said they were looking to fill the position asap. So, I was there, with my newly created resume first thing Tuesday morning (Monday was a holiday), and filled out an application. The person doing the hiring wasn't there. So, I waited until Thursday to call. He said he's still reviewing, to call back tomorrow. Called on Friday, he was in a meeting, but they said they'd give him a message to call when he was finished. Nothing.
Now, it's Tuesday, and I still haven't heard anything. Do I call again? Who knows. But I've been talking to God, and He's reminded me of my mission-teach...influence others. And I had asked Him to let me know if that job was the way he wanted me to go, and show me by opening the door. The door didn't open.

So, I'm getting on with my life.

Haven't weighed myself since Friday, but my diet's been ok. And I was so sore from my kwando class last week, I took Friday off, which turned into the whole weekend off :(

But, I worked out yesterday, doing a metabolic disturbance workout, yeah!

And I gave myself a good talking to: this time is a gift! It's what I've wanted. Time to create a boot camp-helping more than one person at a time. Just get it going! And time to create. Paint, bead, write. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to a "meet-up" beginner painting class on Sat!

Have a good Day,
Debby

Waning motivation

It's funny how I can be all gung-ho one day, then kind of lose my drive the next. The weight is down-183.4 (-1.6#). Yeah! But my eating this week hasn't been good.
It's been very hot here in So Cal. And I don't have an air-conditioner. So, by late afternoon, even with the fans on, it's too hot to cook, or to even think about it. So off I go to: Wed it was McD because I was craving a frappe. And yesterday it was Carl's Jr/Green burrito, because it's cheap.
But why, why why do I do this to sabotage myself?
1. no chicken cooked
2. no meal plans set up, so I have to think of something when I'm "starving"
3. letting myself get to the point of "starving"

Here we go again...

I'm back! I know I said that a few months ago, but, hey, life happens.

I am more determined than ever to lose this extra weight that I've gained over the past few years.

I got off my medication in June, but it took a while to get off, then took a while to re-adjust to normal human emotions. (I'd been on an anti-depressant for about 18 months).

I weighed myself on Sunday, and I was up to 185 lbs! Immediately the program begins...

I actually had started working out with weights last week, but now, I'm planning every workout and scheduling the time to workout as well.

So far, so good. I worked out with D on Sunday. Then took Monday off. Yesterday I worked out with Cat. And this morning I took a kwando class. (Well, half a kwando class. But considering I felt like leaving after 5 minutes, I think I did OK by hanging in there for a half hour.)

My diet's been kind of all over the place. Holiday weekend, and I spent time with my brother and my sister-in-law, and her sister's family. That meant eating out. But I tried to keep my portions small. (Leftovers!) And I made a specific decision not to drink any calories.

Speaking of drinking calories, I have cut down on my frappes as well. And when I have one, I usually get a medium instead of a large. I haven't had any soda-of any kind- since Feb. 2009. I stopped because I was kind of addicted. And they're SO BAD for you. Not just the sugar. But the carbonation-phosphorus- can cause acidity in the body, which the body tries to neutralize with Calcium....from your bones. Not a good thing.

Have a great Day!