I weighed myself just now...185.6. I hope that's monthly bloating, and I didn't do that much damage last week. Even so, It's kind of discouraging, because I worked out on Monday and ate well yesterday (except I didn't eat frequently enough).
But then I "listen' to what I just wrote, and think, what if a client said that to you? I'd say just give it a little time. Consistency is what brings the long-term results. Not semi-gung-ho efforts for two days.
I also spent the entire day at the computer yesterday, trying to get my facebook page for my boot camp set up. I think I kind of did it, but I can't find it. I'm not very good at computer-stuff. It boggles my mind. I have to take breaks and tell myself I'm not stupid, and if other people can figure out how to make these things work, so can I. (Then I look at the help discussion forum on facebook, and realize there are a lot of other people that don't find this easy.)
Anyway, I'm not too discouraged, just determined, now.
And today's another day...
"This is your life... treat yourself right... treat others right... live like you know you should."
(The Newsboys)
Debby
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Get Back Up Again
If at first you don't succeed, etc.....
It's been a rough week. It really hit me over the weekend that I'm unemployed. Me! I think it had taken so long to hit because at first I was all gung-ho about starting a boot camp and really focusing on training again.
But then I got a lead for a full-time job that seemed too good to pass up. (Benefits!) And I was kind of putting all my eggs in that basket. Well, nothing happened. My client works for the company, and he said they were looking to fill the position asap. So, I was there, with my newly created resume first thing Tuesday morning (Monday was a holiday), and filled out an application. The person doing the hiring wasn't there. So, I waited until Thursday to call. He said he's still reviewing, to call back tomorrow. Called on Friday, he was in a meeting, but they said they'd give him a message to call when he was finished. Nothing.
Now, it's Tuesday, and I still haven't heard anything. Do I call again? Who knows. But I've been talking to God, and He's reminded me of my mission-teach...influence others. And I had asked Him to let me know if that job was the way he wanted me to go, and show me by opening the door. The door didn't open.
So, I'm getting on with my life.
Haven't weighed myself since Friday, but my diet's been ok. And I was so sore from my kwando class last week, I took Friday off, which turned into the whole weekend off :(
But, I worked out yesterday, doing a metabolic disturbance workout, yeah!
And I gave myself a good talking to: this time is a gift! It's what I've wanted. Time to create a boot camp-helping more than one person at a time. Just get it going! And time to create. Paint, bead, write. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to a "meet-up" beginner painting class on Sat!
Have a good Day,
Debby
It's been a rough week. It really hit me over the weekend that I'm unemployed. Me! I think it had taken so long to hit because at first I was all gung-ho about starting a boot camp and really focusing on training again.
But then I got a lead for a full-time job that seemed too good to pass up. (Benefits!) And I was kind of putting all my eggs in that basket. Well, nothing happened. My client works for the company, and he said they were looking to fill the position asap. So, I was there, with my newly created resume first thing Tuesday morning (Monday was a holiday), and filled out an application. The person doing the hiring wasn't there. So, I waited until Thursday to call. He said he's still reviewing, to call back tomorrow. Called on Friday, he was in a meeting, but they said they'd give him a message to call when he was finished. Nothing.
Now, it's Tuesday, and I still haven't heard anything. Do I call again? Who knows. But I've been talking to God, and He's reminded me of my mission-teach...influence others. And I had asked Him to let me know if that job was the way he wanted me to go, and show me by opening the door. The door didn't open.
So, I'm getting on with my life.
Haven't weighed myself since Friday, but my diet's been ok. And I was so sore from my kwando class last week, I took Friday off, which turned into the whole weekend off :(
But, I worked out yesterday, doing a metabolic disturbance workout, yeah!
And I gave myself a good talking to: this time is a gift! It's what I've wanted. Time to create a boot camp-helping more than one person at a time. Just get it going! And time to create. Paint, bead, write. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to a "meet-up" beginner painting class on Sat!
Have a good Day,
Debby
Friday, September 9, 2011
Waning motivation
It's funny how I can be all gung-ho one day, then kind of lose my drive the next. The weight is down-183.4 (-1.6#). Yeah! But my eating this week hasn't been good.
It's been very hot here in So Cal. And I don't have an air-conditioner. So, by late afternoon, even with the fans on, it's too hot to cook, or to even think about it. So off I go to: Wed it was McD because I was craving a frappe. And yesterday it was Carl's Jr/Green burrito, because it's cheap.
But why, why why do I do this to sabotage myself?
1. no chicken cooked
2. no meal plans set up, so I have to think of something when I'm "starving"
3. letting myself get to the point of "starving"
It's been very hot here in So Cal. And I don't have an air-conditioner. So, by late afternoon, even with the fans on, it's too hot to cook, or to even think about it. So off I go to: Wed it was McD because I was craving a frappe. And yesterday it was Carl's Jr/Green burrito, because it's cheap.
But why, why why do I do this to sabotage myself?
1. no chicken cooked
2. no meal plans set up, so I have to think of something when I'm "starving"
3. letting myself get to the point of "starving"
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Here we go again...
I'm back! I know I said that a few months ago, but, hey, life happens.
I am more determined than ever to lose this extra weight that I've gained over the past few years.
I got off my medication in June, but it took a while to get off, then took a while to re-adjust to normal human emotions. (I'd been on an anti-depressant for about 18 months).
I weighed myself on Sunday, and I was up to 185 lbs! Immediately the program begins...
I actually had started working out with weights last week, but now, I'm planning every workout and scheduling the time to workout as well.
So far, so good. I worked out with D on Sunday. Then took Monday off. Yesterday I worked out with Cat. And this morning I took a kwando class. (Well, half a kwando class. But considering I felt like leaving after 5 minutes, I think I did OK by hanging in there for a half hour.)
My diet's been kind of all over the place. Holiday weekend, and I spent time with my brother and my sister-in-law, and her sister's family. That meant eating out. But I tried to keep my portions small. (Leftovers!) And I made a specific decision not to drink any calories.
Have a great Day!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Deliberate Denial, part 2
Sat. 4/2
179.6 lbs.
This exercise in structured denial is hard. I'm hungry. My head hurts. This morning, not eating for three hours after I woke up, wasn't too bad. It took some self-talk...this is stupid, what's it for, I'm not going to die.
Trust your therapist, this is why Mr. Olive gets paid the big bucks.
It got harder as the day went on. At 8 pm I said forget it, I'm starving, I feel funky, I'm eating. But then I remembered why I was doing this. Self denial, self discipline. Learn to say no to "I want it, I'm getting it."
So I waited, until 9. So yeah! I did it.
Dj
179.6 lbs.
This exercise in structured denial is hard. I'm hungry. My head hurts. This morning, not eating for three hours after I woke up, wasn't too bad. It took some self-talk...this is stupid, what's it for, I'm not going to die.
Trust your therapist, this is why Mr. Olive gets paid the big bucks.
It got harder as the day went on. At 8 pm I said forget it, I'm starving, I feel funky, I'm eating. But then I remembered why I was doing this. Self denial, self discipline. Learn to say no to "I want it, I'm getting it."
So I waited, until 9. So yeah! I did it.
Dj
Deliberate Denial, part 1
Well, it's Saturday, and I spoke to my therapist, Mr. Olive, on Thursday. Because he's not a psychoanalyst, we didn't get too deep into the why I indulge myself, sometimes out of control.
We did discuss how my inner "parent" is saying "NO" and my obstinate, rebellious child is saying, "I want it, I'm getting it".
So here are his suggested solutions:
First, because I use fast food as comfort food, I need to get my comfort somewhere else. I should "Fill my Bucket" in ways that are generative. Paint, bead, create things. Take care of myself this way.
The other thing is to practice deliberate denial. Practice. So my denial muscles are stronger when I need them. Challenge myself to build that discipline and maturity and be more responsive to the parent.
Because my problem is food right now, we talked about fasting. Incremental fasting even, like I'm not going to eat until 10am, then longer next time. Or, I'm only going to eat two times today.
I've only really ever heard about fasting for spiritual reasons, which, I know is Biblical, but presents a couple of problems for me. first, if I'm going on a spiritual journey, I would think I'd need to be in "retreat" mode, not trying to live my daily routine. How can I get any spiritual insights if I'm just living my life as usual?
Second, (and I mentioned this to Mr. Olive), it seems like the spiritual "revelation" that one gets in a fasted state is as likely to be an hallucination, like when Native American men went out to find their "vision".
But doing a fast, or partial fast, as an exercise in discipline seems to have some merit. I started yesterday by denying myself "samples" of any shakes I made. I will often drink a tiny portion of the leftovers after I've made someone their shake, especially if I'm hungry. That worked OK. I had to remind myself, and remind myself why, but I did it.
Then I told myself that after I had my breakfast bar (at about 5:30am), I couldn't eat again until 10. It was hard, and I was hungry, and the shakes were right there, and I'm surrounded by protein bars, but I did it.
Then, after I had dinner at about 5:30 pm, I said no more for the night except to finish the shake that I'd had for my mid-day meal. So far, so good.
Dj
We did discuss how my inner "parent" is saying "NO" and my obstinate, rebellious child is saying, "I want it, I'm getting it".
So here are his suggested solutions:
First, because I use fast food as comfort food, I need to get my comfort somewhere else. I should "Fill my Bucket" in ways that are generative. Paint, bead, create things. Take care of myself this way.
The other thing is to practice deliberate denial. Practice. So my denial muscles are stronger when I need them. Challenge myself to build that discipline and maturity and be more responsive to the parent.
Because my problem is food right now, we talked about fasting. Incremental fasting even, like I'm not going to eat until 10am, then longer next time. Or, I'm only going to eat two times today.
I've only really ever heard about fasting for spiritual reasons, which, I know is Biblical, but presents a couple of problems for me. first, if I'm going on a spiritual journey, I would think I'd need to be in "retreat" mode, not trying to live my daily routine. How can I get any spiritual insights if I'm just living my life as usual?
Second, (and I mentioned this to Mr. Olive), it seems like the spiritual "revelation" that one gets in a fasted state is as likely to be an hallucination, like when Native American men went out to find their "vision".
But doing a fast, or partial fast, as an exercise in discipline seems to have some merit. I started yesterday by denying myself "samples" of any shakes I made. I will often drink a tiny portion of the leftovers after I've made someone their shake, especially if I'm hungry. That worked OK. I had to remind myself, and remind myself why, but I did it.
Then I told myself that after I had my breakfast bar (at about 5:30am), I couldn't eat again until 10. It was hard, and I was hungry, and the shakes were right there, and I'm surrounded by protein bars, but I did it.
Then, after I had dinner at about 5:30 pm, I said no more for the night except to finish the shake that I'd had for my mid-day meal. So far, so good.
Dj
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Diet Failure, part 2
After I weighed myself, and saw that I'd gained all my weight back, I got right back on the diet. I also was determined to weigh myself every day, not just when I'd done well.
So, I ate well...salads, green beans, chicken, eggs, and chili that I made last week. And I lost a little weight, slowly, but surely.
Then, on Wednesday evening, I was tired, hungry, driving home from training my clients, and HAD TO go to Taco Bell on the way home. I didn't have any chicken cooked, I'd run out of lettuce, I didn't want to take the time...all kinds of ways of saying "I want it, I'm gonna get it". (And Taco Bell because it's cheaper. But it's not cheaper if you buy four things, and a Frutista). At least this time, it wasn't a three day binge, like last week.
So, up goes the weight again. From 180 to 180.8 lbs. But I had my therapy session on Thursday. More on that later.
Dj
So, I ate well...salads, green beans, chicken, eggs, and chili that I made last week. And I lost a little weight, slowly, but surely.
Then, on Wednesday evening, I was tired, hungry, driving home from training my clients, and HAD TO go to Taco Bell on the way home. I didn't have any chicken cooked, I'd run out of lettuce, I didn't want to take the time...all kinds of ways of saying "I want it, I'm gonna get it". (And Taco Bell because it's cheaper. But it's not cheaper if you buy four things, and a Frutista). At least this time, it wasn't a three day binge, like last week.
So, up goes the weight again. From 180 to 180.8 lbs. But I had my therapy session on Thursday. More on that later.
Dj
Diet Failure, part 1
From March 27
Weight-181.4 Back up to where I started.
Last week I had a really bad few days, diet-wise. I just gave in and had the McDonald's. I wish I could figure out why.
I haven't been especially stressed. Work is going OK. Clients are OK, all back. Life is going OK.
I need my therapist, Mr Olive, to psychoanalyze me, I think. Unfortunately, he's not a psychiatrist. He's a licensed social worker. That means he's a problem solver.
This is a good thing most of the time. I'm not one for the whys & wherefores of anything. Just tell me what to do about the situation. (I'm like that w/ training too. I don't need to know the why of every physiological thing going on...just how to deal with it).
But this time, I'd like someone, namely Mr. Olive, to give me insight into WHY I do this. Am I afraid of success? Am I afraid of getting thin? Do I just need to focus on something besides food & diet? Is it because of what a coworker said, that I've lost muscle, so I just gave up, knowing that it won't matter and won't help until I start really working out too???
I think Mr. Olive has his work cut out for him at our next session.
Dj
Weight-181.4 Back up to where I started.
Last week I had a really bad few days, diet-wise. I just gave in and had the McDonald's. I wish I could figure out why.
I haven't been especially stressed. Work is going OK. Clients are OK, all back. Life is going OK.
I need my therapist, Mr Olive, to psychoanalyze me, I think. Unfortunately, he's not a psychiatrist. He's a licensed social worker. That means he's a problem solver.
This is a good thing most of the time. I'm not one for the whys & wherefores of anything. Just tell me what to do about the situation. (I'm like that w/ training too. I don't need to know the why of every physiological thing going on...just how to deal with it).
But this time, I'd like someone, namely Mr. Olive, to give me insight into WHY I do this. Am I afraid of success? Am I afraid of getting thin? Do I just need to focus on something besides food & diet? Is it because of what a coworker said, that I've lost muscle, so I just gave up, knowing that it won't matter and won't help until I start really working out too???
I think Mr. Olive has his work cut out for him at our next session.
Dj
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Ounce by Ounce
Well, I'm down to 180 pounds, WHOOO-HOO!!! That means I've lost 1.2 pounds since Friday. Will that pace get me to my goal by two weeks? 1.2 lbs, in four days is an average loss of .3 lbs per day. .3lbs times 14 days is only 4.2 lbs-Nope, not enough. But hopefully, my slow start held me back and now I'm on a better pace.
I've been eating pretty well, very strictly since Sunday-that's two whole days!
I am avoiding temptations, or trying to. My clients canceled last night, but I needed to put a check in the bank. The bank is not near me at all, so I'd have to drive across town to get to it. And the closest, most convenient branch is inside a grocery store. So, I decided it would be better if I just left the check for another day. Too "dangerous" to go in the evening. I'd pass by my favorite McDonald's (yes, they're different, and yes I have a favorite). I'd pass by the wonderful Carl's Jr/Green Burrito that gave me so much trouble on Friday. So, I stayed home, studied customer service for my job, and ate eggs and strawberries and milk for dinner (meal # 4), and was perfectly satisfied.
Temptation is a funny thing. Every day, as I leave work at 4-ish, I'm peckish, not super hungry, but I still want to go to the McDonald's on the way home. (In case you haven't figured it out, I love McDonald's. I'm actually one of those freaks who loves fast food in general.) It's very tempting to just hit that McD as I drive by it. But, I'm telling myself, "that's not going to get you to your goal. And once you put food in your stomach, you won't care. You'll be full and satisfied. (And you don't need to spend the money anyway)."
And so far, I've been listening.
Minute by Minute, Ounce by Ounce.
Dj
I've been eating pretty well, very strictly since Sunday-that's two whole days!
I am avoiding temptations, or trying to. My clients canceled last night, but I needed to put a check in the bank. The bank is not near me at all, so I'd have to drive across town to get to it. And the closest, most convenient branch is inside a grocery store. So, I decided it would be better if I just left the check for another day. Too "dangerous" to go in the evening. I'd pass by my favorite McDonald's (yes, they're different, and yes I have a favorite). I'd pass by the wonderful Carl's Jr/Green Burrito that gave me so much trouble on Friday. So, I stayed home, studied customer service for my job, and ate eggs and strawberries and milk for dinner (meal # 4), and was perfectly satisfied.
Lead us not into temptation...
Temptation is a funny thing. Every day, as I leave work at 4-ish, I'm peckish, not super hungry, but I still want to go to the McDonald's on the way home. (In case you haven't figured it out, I love McDonald's. I'm actually one of those freaks who loves fast food in general.) It's very tempting to just hit that McD as I drive by it. But, I'm telling myself, "that's not going to get you to your goal. And once you put food in your stomach, you won't care. You'll be full and satisfied. (And you don't need to spend the money anyway)."
And so far, I've been listening.
Minute by Minute, Ounce by Ounce.
Dj
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Down a Little
Weight today is 180.8, so I'm down .4 pounds. that's not bad, considering I weighed myself on Thursday, then Friday I had a complete "pig-out" day. Quesadillas, burritos, and enchiladas (yum).
Yesterday I ate very sparingly, because I had my birthday dinner last night, at the Roadhouse Grill. I didn't do too badly, except I was really hungry, so I don't know how many peanuts I ate. (This is a place where they give you a bucket of unshelled peanuts and then you throw the shells on the floor.) Then, because we were celebrating my birthday, my friends got them to bring me free dessert (and embarrassment. You know- all the waiters come over, making a big racket- they put a toilet seat cover necklace on me, and a coffee filter hat, and bring me a dessert.) And I had a LOT of strawberry lemonade.
So, losing .4 pounds isn't bad, under the circumstances.
Yesterday I ate very sparingly, because I had my birthday dinner last night, at the Roadhouse Grill. I didn't do too badly, except I was really hungry, so I don't know how many peanuts I ate. (This is a place where they give you a bucket of unshelled peanuts and then you throw the shells on the floor.) Then, because we were celebrating my birthday, my friends got them to bring me free dessert (and embarrassment. You know- all the waiters come over, making a big racket- they put a toilet seat cover necklace on me, and a coffee filter hat, and bring me a dessert.) And I had a LOT of strawberry lemonade.
So, losing .4 pounds isn't bad, under the circumstances.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Starting over
Well, it's been a rough year, but I'm back. Surprisingly, only 5 pounds heavier than my last post, almost a year ago.
I finally feel like I have the energy to deal with this aspect of my life. But I'm not planning on planning any super-aggressive workout program. I'm just going to focus right now on total-body workouts, three days a week. These will gradually become circuit workouts. And then I will add more cardio.
I'm not quite ready to commit LARGE portions of time to losing weight.
I have recently started another business, Right Moves Fitness, with three separate aspects:
A website which is going to be devoted to teaching and selling online personal training, along with a separate blog for that; a boot camp with my friend Priscilla; and one-on-one personal training again. (I had stopped for a few months-like I said, it's been a rough year.)
I also started another blog last week, Moods and Whimsy, that's more personal, more opinion, more my observations of the world.
All of this, in addition to my other business, Brown Iris Creations, and my full time job as retail lead at Bally Total Fitness.
Oh, yeah, and I want to write a book, which is constantly writing itself in my head.
Soooo, losing weight isn't my first priority.
And, because I'm not completely committed, I'm getting help this time. Not from a trainer, but I'm being accountable to someone. I heard about this idea on a talk show, about making yourself accountable to someone else for your actions, and having consequences if you don't fulfill your side of the agreement.
I made an agreement with a friend of mine that I will lose 5 lbs in two weeks (starting yesterday). If I don't I have to pay him $20. The money works as a good motivator, because I don't have it, and he wants it. He also wants me to lose weight. And he's blunt, and frank with me. So, he'll demand the payment and won't be too nice about it.
It'll keep me on track. and honestly, as heavy as I am right now, I don't think I'll have to work too hard to lose that first 5 pounds. If I just watch my diet, and stop eating the constant fast food that I've been eating lately, I can do it.
I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought salad green and a big bag of green beans. I already have chicken, and cod, and salmon. I didn't buy bread or tortillas (ouch!), but if I don't have them, I can't eat them. And the weight will come off faster with a high protein, low carb diet. So here I go again :)
I finally feel like I have the energy to deal with this aspect of my life. But I'm not planning on planning any super-aggressive workout program. I'm just going to focus right now on total-body workouts, three days a week. These will gradually become circuit workouts. And then I will add more cardio.
I'm not quite ready to commit LARGE portions of time to losing weight.
I have recently started another business, Right Moves Fitness, with three separate aspects:
A website which is going to be devoted to teaching and selling online personal training, along with a separate blog for that; a boot camp with my friend Priscilla; and one-on-one personal training again. (I had stopped for a few months-like I said, it's been a rough year.)
I also started another blog last week, Moods and Whimsy, that's more personal, more opinion, more my observations of the world.
All of this, in addition to my other business, Brown Iris Creations, and my full time job as retail lead at Bally Total Fitness.
Oh, yeah, and I want to write a book, which is constantly writing itself in my head.
Soooo, losing weight isn't my first priority.
And, because I'm not completely committed, I'm getting help this time. Not from a trainer, but I'm being accountable to someone. I heard about this idea on a talk show, about making yourself accountable to someone else for your actions, and having consequences if you don't fulfill your side of the agreement.
I made an agreement with a friend of mine that I will lose 5 lbs in two weeks (starting yesterday). If I don't I have to pay him $20. The money works as a good motivator, because I don't have it, and he wants it. He also wants me to lose weight. And he's blunt, and frank with me. So, he'll demand the payment and won't be too nice about it.
It'll keep me on track. and honestly, as heavy as I am right now, I don't think I'll have to work too hard to lose that first 5 pounds. If I just watch my diet, and stop eating the constant fast food that I've been eating lately, I can do it.
I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought salad green and a big bag of green beans. I already have chicken, and cod, and salmon. I didn't buy bread or tortillas (ouch!), but if I don't have them, I can't eat them. And the weight will come off faster with a high protein, low carb diet. So here I go again :)
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